I am full of burrito and curiosity
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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