'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
