we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Send help, water and tortillas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
