If i come over, it means nothing
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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