He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
