I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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