Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I only lived at night.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
