Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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