best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So many bounce houses so little time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize