yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You work out of a Hotel?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
