if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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