yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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