so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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