he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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