What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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