you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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