I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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