I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
