yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
