I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
