So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
