No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
