I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
