I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
