My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
