is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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