We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
