Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
