I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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