just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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