I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
