Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
