My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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