Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do vagina's smell?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
