Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
