Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize