Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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