He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize