It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize