So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We just shotgunned beers for America
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
