my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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