I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
