I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
