Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize