So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
