the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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