Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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