so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
