Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
