All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
