in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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