That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
