so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize