Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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