i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
