we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
did i just pee glitter
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