so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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