atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize