did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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