I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
