You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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