Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
