i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
its not stalking. its research.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
