And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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