Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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