dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
