Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
