I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
