I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
as a side note pls kill me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize