my phone needs a breathalizer
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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