I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
