just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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