I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
