i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Randomize
