whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
