My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
