Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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