Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
