I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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