Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
