Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
