All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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