my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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