69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
