I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Small penises have feelings too.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
