just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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