can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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