Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have fence marks all over my body
Floor bacon is actually really good
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
