You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
