Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
