im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize