that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
