ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
