i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
