cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
