Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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