it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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